Back from Japan

Well... I've been back a whole week... and I miss Japan. Something about that country really makes me nostalgic. Well, I guess since I technically grew up there, it makes perfect sense.

I totally gained 10 pounds when I was there though... :P

I have a lot to say about my experience of going back to a country after 23 years. I'm just trying to get the whole experience through my head. lol.

But some of the topics I would be discussing in the near future...

*Sake and Rice (Adventures in Dining)
*Onsen (naked communion)
*Akihabara (Maid cafe, maid outfits, maid statues, and yeah apparently there are electric stuff there too...)
*Homeless people in Japan
*Family Remix
*Expensive Tea
*Grocery Stores

I'm sure more will pop into my mind as soon as I start writing... but since today is the Fourth of July... I have other plans with my hubby! And it includes me making good old fashion American Grub!

:D

Fermented Soybeans or Nattō なっとう (納豆)

What’s up with all this Natto hatred among the ex-pats? Did you guys never have okra? BTW eating okra like natto is very good too… Everyone that doesn’t like it state it’s the texture… frankly, I never understand that comment… “So it’s slimy”… it’s good slimy especially on hot rice…

I love natto, especially combined with tarako (Alaskan Pollock roe, 鱈子) and shiozake (salted salmon, 塩鮭)… YUM-O if you haven’t given it a go. Of course you’ll have to like the said ingredients to enjoy it completely…

:D

Anyway, I do have a point to this. I know a lot of Japanese people have problems with Natto too.

The thing is that Natto might be an acquired taste, but I think America people in particular have problems with a lot of food.

(If you already didn’t know Japanese people are obsessed about food. Odd since most Japanese women look like anorexics. Or maybe because they are anorexic they get more obsessed about food. God knows I get more food obsessed when I’m on a diet, which I’m on right now and hence the whole food talk… But I digress, because of this obsession with food, Japanese people like to eat all kinds of things. Sure they Japanize (oppose to Americanize) their imported food like we all do. Although, I have yet to try this crab/corn/mayo pizza, this will be on my list to try when I go to Japan because it sounds so funky, could you imagine me ordering this in the states? Also, I tend to have a more Japanese tongue so maybe I just might like this pizza combo… Kewpie Mayo is good, on a pizza it might be genius… Anyway… )

This relates to the Lunchbox entry… but what’s up with American kids/adults nowadays and the lack of variety in there diet?

I like trying different foods. When I hear someone is a “Meat and Potatoes” type, I literally feel bad for that person. All I’m thinking is how limited his food life is. Actually, I feel this way for vegetarians and vegans too… Japan’s obsession with food is probably the main reason why Japanese people do not have any sympathy or compassion with the whole vegetarian concept. My mother who grew up in rural Japan had a really hard time eating growing up because she didn’t like meat. (Although she didn’t consider fish meat and most Japanese people don’t) She basically ate cold tofu everyday. Her thoughts on this vegetarian thing changed when she had no money and starved for a month. On the other hand, I eat meat all the time. I really don’t like vegetables all that much, unless it’s cooked with some oil or cooked in a Japanese way, cooked in some food containing meat or covered in ranch dressing. For ex-pats in Japan who are vegetarian… there is no way anyone would be sympathetic to there dietary choice… They wouldn’t comprehend it, frankly, I don’t comprehend it… Meat is good… and I like eating it.

Actually, I have no sympathy for vegans or vegetarians wanting to live in Japan… they should know that they have no compassion for you… they’ll just look at you as if you were some prissy picky person… you’re going to be looked at as weird and if you can’t handle that, don’t go! Or give up being vegetarian while in Japan. Trust me, Japanese people will never understand… they like food way too much. This is the country that invented Iron Chef and countless of other food related shows!

Talk about food obsession… I’ve been avoiding this journal because of the whole food issue. I wanted to write about how it was going to be difficult when I go to Japan because of my weight. First of all I’m not the typical anorexic Asian. Actually, I’m very far from that. I’m on the chunky side I suppose. I have large breasts, and some hips, this girl has major curves. This is what’s killing me. I’m totally going crazy regarding going to Japan because I’m a nervous wreak about my weight in general. Where a girl is pretty average in the states, they are considered morbidly obese in Japan. This dilemma is enough to make me not want to see my relatives. They’ll probably put me on a diet the moment I set foot in Japan. Ugh… I’ll probably write more about this when I come back from Japan… But for now know that I’m about to go crazy with this whole diet and Japanese obsession with thinness.

O.o

Lunchbox べんとう (弁当)

First time I had a chance to take a lunch to school was when I was when I moved to America in the second grade. Up to that point in time, I lived in Japan and went home for lunch everyday since my house was only a block away. I’m not sure if I was allowed to, but I did it anyway. When I get home for lunch I would always have something hot and ready for me to eat. Often times I remember eating Ramen… I liked ramen, still do, especially tonkatsu-ramen. Anyway, before this time only time I really ate a bento box was when we traveled or New Years, Hanami, or whenever the Japanese occasion deemed it necessary.

I really don’t want to get sidetracked but up until I came to the States, I really don’t remember much about school. Yes, I went but I wasn’t at all interested. I had other things way too important on my mind. Like playing and where I was going to go modeling the next weekend. My life was full of adventure in Japan and it was a great time. When I came to the States, my mother, who was the primary source of us traveling, didn’t have a driver’s license and wasn’t comfortable going anywhere. This put a major damping in going anywhere and doing anything. When this type of things happened in my family, my mother would compensate by making really good meals, hence starting my bento boxes in the second grade.

So, I’m in a foreign country, America, (it was foreign to me because I grew up in Japan) experiencing major culture shock. I missed Japan like crazy, I know we can’t go back anytime soon, and I kept asking my father why the US government hates us. My mother probably experiencing the same, wanted to bring a little bit of Japan to the both of us.

So, as you can imagine. I’m in an American School, in Los Angeles. I think there were 5 Asians in the entire school. The school had about a good representation of the other cultures though. Anyway, as you can imagine… not much bento boxes were being brought to school. So I started bring my bento boxes to school and ate it at lunch. The kids first started to make fun of me, then they start asking questions, then my second grade teacher hears about this and all of a sudden my lunch becomes a spectacle.

After my second grade teacher finds out about my lunch, she wants to view it everyday before the lunchtime starts. Basically my lunch had a set time of viewing everyday in my class. I recall the words, “Okay, it’s time to look at Joanna’s Lunch!”

Do you have any idea how weird that is? Thinking back I still think it’s weird. How many people do you know had to “show and tell” their lunch everyday?

All be it, my mother’s lunchboxes were absolutely beautiful. I had all the right proportions, excellently prepared, balanced nutritionally, and artistically sculpted. She woke up at awful times to make my lunch every morning. She truly put all her heart into that lunchbox. Sure, she was a layout artist/chef as a profession, but still she took a lot of time into preparing my lunch for me.

That’s one thing I completely recalled about American kids. There lunch wasn’t as thoughtful as my lunch was. Even if I had a sandwich, my mother would make lady finger sandwiches, cut off all the crust, put it in a special container, separated by artificial "grass" and gave me a variety of sandwiches because I might get bored with just one type. I don’t recall one kid in my class that had that thoughtful of a lunch. Sure they brought lunch, I’m sure their mom made it, but the quality of my lunch was far superior to any of the other kids.

I sometimes wonder why American mother's tend not to do that with lunch. It might be because presentation in American cuisine doesn't seem all that important (except in high end restaurants). They say they’re busy… sure if your mom works, but what about those stay at home moms? Being that my mother is Japanese, I never really had an experience with American moms… maybe the kids just have a lower standard of what they want to eat… I don’t know… I was a very refined eater even at 7… I didn’t like peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch; I considered it more of a snack food than proper lunch. Maybe American kids just prefer P&J over fish, vegetable and meat or other bento stuff.

Also when I can home around 3pm, my mother would have oyatsu (3 o’clock snack) ready for me when I got home. Whether it was cookies, cake, fruit, or rice crackers she would have it ready for me on a plate with something to drink next to it. I’m guessing many American kids didn’t come home to that. During that time she would ask me how my day was at school and what my homework was. If I had math homework she would answer my questions on a chalkboard next to the dining table while I ate my oyatsu snack.

I do miss the lunch boxes my mother used to make. Mainly because it was nutritional, I so rarely eat as nutritionally as I did when I was a child. I still think it’s amazing how much care my mother actually put into what we as a family ate. How diligently she would look through nutrition books to make certain all the vitamins and minerals were accounted for in her cooking. I really took it for granted growing up.

Abandonment ほうき (放棄)

Japan hospital sets up drop-off hatch for unwanted babies

Only reason I’m writing about this is because as a hafu child it reminds me of something. In Japan after World War II, a lot of Japanese women got pregnant with American Soldiers. These children where abandoned, thrown away, and killed all because of the stigma of being half anything. These children were often called freaks and doomed to the life on the streets or death

I was actually in a movie that showed this when I was little child called “母たることは地獄のごとく 炎の女”. (I’m one of the kids who yells “Mommy, Don’t Die!” in a scene where Miki is really sick) It’s a story about hafu children after World War II who was abandoned by the Japanese mothers and the lady, Miki Sawada, who rescued and raised them with her devoted staff. Miki Sawada was one of the founders of Mitsubishi’s daughter. She basically sold everything she had to buy back the family estate that the state took from her after World War II to open this orphanage. The orphanage was called the Elizabeth Saunders Home because she was one of the first people to donate her money to this cause. Also this movie had a side story about a half Black /half Japanese guy who was trying to adjust in Japanese society even though they were still looked as an outsider and almost an abomination. He also found his mother and father and that, as you can imagine, didn’t end well. Japanese society can be cruel especially to hafu children back then… actually, I’m pretty sure they still get teased today… because in Japan even if you’re half… you’re not Japanese… and they let you know it every chance they get.

A lot of Japanese people like to write off hafu children born back then as “War Children” as if the women were all raped or something. It’s not true… maybe for some but most of those ladies probably fell in love with those American soldiers. Americans are so different from Japanese men back then that they probably got seduced quite easily. They probably loved and left them pregnant. Single mothers everywhere had a stigma at the time, but if they were Japanese kids they wouldn’t have been left by the women as these kids were. Some Japanese people write it off as, “Well who would want the kids of people occupying your city”. Well… frankly, I’ll tell you this… THAT’S BULLSHIT! I don’t care who the father is that’s still that woman’s child. Which means the child is still part of a family… How dare they think its okay to abandon a child because they don’t look exactly the way you want them! That’s sickening.

Frankly, I blame the old Japanese mentality for that. It’s “there” pride that was hurt, not these women, I’m certain most of those mother’s did not want to leave the child or kill it. But because of that old Japanese mentality of needing the purity of the race, these kids were left like trash. This prejudice of being different made these kids’ life a living hell. As if it was there fault for being half… The reason Miki Sawada cared was because she was more cultured, educated and was exposed to America. Not to mention an incident in which she was accused of abandoning a hafu child on a train. It wasn’t hers and she was cleared of all the charges. She tried her best to get those kids adopted in the US, because these kids were the untouchables in Japan.

I understand there mentality… but that doesn’t mean I have to accept it. That’s where I guess I’m different. Just because I understand, it doesn’t mean it’s excusable. I completely believe morality is something people can identify without the help of a higher being. I don’t believe in god and I still know in my gut when something is wrong. Perhaps it’s because I’m not into “group” thinking that I speak out. But frankly, that’s what I hate about Japanese culture at times. They have this weird superiority complex and think that “group” thinking is all great. Frankly, this superiority group thinking is how all those kids got left and how they justify cruelty.

There is this one part of the movie I recall that really got to me… it’s a scene where the mother is telling the half child (probably around 2) to go through the tunnel and see the “new” mommy. “The tunnel of separation” which still exists today at Oiso, Japan, is where the women left to abandon the kids and babies. I walked through that tunnel when I was little and I couldn’t help but cry going through it… because even if I was only 4 years old, I knew the implications of that tunnel. I knew that it was a place where your mom left you and there was nothing you say or do to stop her from leaving…

Frankly, I’m never going to understand how someone could abandon their own child…

Mongolian Spot もうこはん (蒙古斑)

For some reason in Japan, Mongolian spots are important especially when hafu children are concerned.

Mongolian Spot is a birthmark most East Asians get when they are born. It disappears by the time they are about 5. Often thought of as a mark of a Mongol, it’s supposedly a sign that the child is of Mongol decent.

Due to Japanese propaganda most Japanese people think only those of Mongol decent has this mark. (Hence the term “Mongolian Spot”) It’s not true, other ethnic groups can have them, just in a less of a percentage. The reason it's called Mongolian Spot is because East Asians almost always get this blue marking on the body.

This “myth” makes Japanese Families more focused on the fact that some hafu children do not get Mongolian Spots. Apparently, I had it when I was a child and my mother was very happy about it. But this happiness about a blue spot on your butt is a weird Japanese thing.

My mother believes that the Hafu children who are born with Mongolian Spots are more “Asian” than those who are not. Which is stupid, but you’ll be surprised how happy Japanese families (especially grandparents) are when their hafu children get Mongolian spots. It almost makes them think that somehow the child is more them. (My sister who did not get a Mongolian Mark was very popular to advertising firms to do diaper commercials in Japan, but my mother commented that she’s too Caucasian. She almost said in a derogatory way…)

I recall my mother’s friend had a boy and he got a Mongolian Spot and how excited the grandfather was that his grandson had the mark. He was so happy that he stated this whenever he talked about his grandson. Weird considering it’s just a blue mark on the butt.

I guess my main problem with “Mongolian Spots happiness” is the fact that my mother and her friends use it as some sort of marker of their Asian heritage. In a strange case of reinforcing a stereotype, they truly think it makes them more likely to be smarter (like in Math and Science) and more Asian in general.

My sister without the Mongolian Spot wasn’t as good in Math as I was, which I actually liked because she blew the stereotype of all Asians being good in math, but reinforced the idea that my sister was indeed not as Asian in my mother’s mind. I can't imagine how that made my sister feel to be segregated even a little because of a blue spot on the butt. If a full Asian kid didn’t have this mark would his “Asianess” be questioned? Probably not… but as a hafu kid… one is never really treated equal… are we?

Love あい (愛)

Love is overtly complicated in Japanese Culture.

Japanese people tend to have an extremely hard time saying the words “I love you”. Unlike America where everyone perhaps overuse the word “Love”, in Japan the word hardly ever uttered. If a Japanese person says they love you, you better be grateful, they don’t say it often.

This is especially true of Japanese parents.

I have only to this day heard my mother say she loves me ONCE. It took a year silent treatment and an intervention from my husband. My husband (who’s Caucasian) called my family without me knowing, and basically laid it down to my mother that I needed to hear those words come out of her mouth. She tried to explain to him that Japanese people don’t say that, but he basically said “I don’t care” and if you don’t my wife probably won’t make it (meaning I just might end up dying of heartbreak). I admit I was overtly depressed about not hearing those words come out of my mother’s lips and there was a chance I would have taken my own life. Because I have to say I truly love my mother and not hearing the words back absolutely broke my heart.

This all occurred this year. After she said it to me though, it’s like a weight was lifted from my chest.

This is where being Hafu messes with you. In America, you hear parent’s tell there kids they love them left and right. In Japan, parent’s don’t say such things. I’m certain Japanese parent’s love their children, they just never say it. As my mother used to say, it’s more important to show it than say it. Also how they show it is weird too. Instead of the hugs and kisses American kids get, Asian kids usually get more trust, things, and money. Money was the way my mother showed me affection. She just bought me things including my bachelor’s degree (which I am forever grateful for). Although, it sounds like a cheap way out of giving physical affection, considering how tight money was in our house growing up, giving me money and things actually required a bit of sacrifice on my parents part. My mother got me a lot of things.

However, this lack of saying “I love you” tends to mess with your psyche when you watch American television. Even the dysfunctional families on television say they love their children. Watching this, and knowing that you’ll never hear it from your own mom makes you a bit crazy. Actually, it makes a lot of Asian-Americans who has a first generation parents crazy. When American ideals are bombarding you, you can’t help but to become influenced by them.

Even knowing that Japanese people don’t say the word often, does not comfort you as a child growing up in the states. After all, I am also Half-American being raised in a culture where the words are said freely. You just want to be like all the other kids and have that ideal parent telling you that they love you.

To get an idea why the word love tends to be so sacred, I recall my mother telling me that you should only say you love someone once in your life, which is before you married a person. She told me that the word “love” is a word not to be taken lightly and that if I said those words to someone I should mean it for life. Whether or not you two don’t get along at times, even through betrayal, forgive and love that person till you die.

It’s pretty heavy and pretty unconditional

I asked my mother why she was so unwilling to say it to me, I guess because there word for Love isn’t as multi-facilitate as the American definition for love. Meaning that the word isn’t used for motherly love or friendly love… etc

Frankly, I think there was always a fear that I might disappoint her or not return the love to her and that she didn’t want to chance it, as sad as that sounds…

Family かぞく(家族 )

I’m going to go to Japan in June on business. I haven’t been back since I was 7 years old. There is a lot I want to do regarding seeing my family when I’m in Japan but…

I have zero contact with my Japanese relatives. I guess because my mother has little contact with them as well. My mother is very anti-Japanese family relations. Japanese families tend to have a HUGE sub context with each other. There are so many family obligations that it tends to cause family fights. This is the main reason my mother left Japan. She HATES family obligations. If you think it’s like American Family obligation you’re totally wrong. It’s an absolute nightmare in customs and culture to be around family. It’s not a matter of you “should” go to your mom’s house for Christmas. In Japan a lot of “should” is replaced with “have to”. And if you don’t do something like you’re told to do, you get yelled at or alienated by the family members. Then the family fights begin. It’s a total pressure cooker.

My mother is the youngest of 7. All her siblings are brothers. Since she has no sister and no mother I think that also makes her less likely to want to talk to the family or deal with family obligations.

Out of my mother’s 7 brothers only one is still alive today. I really wish I could see him before he dies, mainly because I don’t remember what he looks like, but my tour guide cousin (S) is unwilling to go to their house. Why? I haven’t a clue. My mother said it was some stupid family fight thing. She tries her best to pretend to be ignorant about the whole thing. In fact my mother plays dumb a lot in Japan to avoid all kinds of family fights and obligations. This works amazingly. If you pretend to be stupid to a lot of things, you’ll be surprised how much you can get away with. They might talk about you behind your back as being stupid, but you also get the freedom to do what you want, this in Japan is a major luxury. My mother is actually very intelligent and got this concept of playing dumb at an early age to get away with a lot of things.

S is trying to run away from her family obligation (me). I guess she still sees me as a little kid and a burden. Now I understand that I’m not totally fluent in Japanese especially when it comes to reading and writing, but I would like to think that I’m not a child either. I understand Japanese railways tend to be confusing even to Japanese people, but getting around isn’t rocket science. I’m certain I can find my way around if someone gave me an address. I understand how Japanese address works, it’s different from our, but again it’s not rocket science, if I get totally lost I could always hail a taxi.

The idea that I need to be handheld everywhere is insulting. I know this is a typical Japanese way of thinking. “How could a non-Japanese person get around Japan on there own?” Hmm… by using my brains and asking for directions? It’s just like anywhere else! If those people of Amazing Race could do it in Africa… how is it that I couldn’t do it in Japan? I speak the language for crying out loud. Anyway, it’s a common thing for Japanese people to drastically underestimate people, especially if you’re a gaijin. It’s not out of rudeness, I think it’s because they are brainwashed into thinking that “Japanese anything” is much more difficult than anywhere else. I guess it’s the exact opposite of the American mentality that everything is a piece of cake.

While American’s have a “can do” attitude, often times Japanese people have the “can you?” attitude.

My mother keeps trying to reassure my Japanese relatives that they don’t have to do anything special when I get there and that I can take care of myself. If I can find a Konbin (convenient store) I can eat. I actually like Konbin Onigiri (rice balls) and Bentos (Japanese lunchbox). I also like Japanese Drinks and we all know a Japan has a vending machine around every corner. Besides I’m a grown woman. I think I can handle it. I think I can handle dining in a restaurant. I can read enough to order and I eat just about anything, so it’s not like there is going to be a problem with me eating.

Anyway, this traveling to Japan is quickly becoming very troublesome. Sooner or later, you’ll see me just finding a local youth hostel and staying away from my family all together. Going and coming as I please. Unfortunately, I am obligated to go to the cemetery and pay my respects to the dead and to locate that I will need help from my cousin…

Laughing わらっている (笑っている)

I work with the Japanese people from Japan. This in itself isn’t anything special but the Japanese people I have in contact with usually have very little experience with American life/customs/culture. I mainly have this job because I can translate Japanese with some proficiency, although there is always room for improvement since my Japanese skills hasn’t grown since I left Japan when I was 7 years old. So conversational Japanese, I can do, complicated translations or words… no.

I work in particular with a guy whose English skills are pretty good. I can understand him most of the time.

Although, his English skills are good, he has this annoying habit of laughing when he asks me for something. It’s not a belly laugh but one of those nervous laughs Japanese people do when they aren’t exactly comfortable. Although his nervous laugh permeates the entire conversation.

Laughing has many meanings in Japan.

Now I understand why he (let’s call him A) does this, it’s a Japanese way of being polite when asking someone of something. It’s a way to say, I know I’m bothering you but can you please do this for me.

Japanese people tend to have a very hard time asking for something directly. Which annoys me like you wouldn’t believe. It’s my American side coming out. I think if you want something you should be direct and to the point, Japanese people rarely does this. So a conversation that should last a minute tends to go to 5 minutes.

This laughing also bothers me because my colleagues tend to misunderstand this laughing. When A asks me for something, I usually have to say “no” for one reason or another. This then turns the nervous laugh into the “I’m not pleased” laugh, which sounds exactly the same. My colleagues read this laugh as “I understand, I’m okay”, which it isn’t. His laugh means, “I’m not pleased, I’m going to suffer because of this!”

I tried to explain to my colleagues about this, but they don’t seem to get it. They then corner A and asks if everything is alright. Of course he’s going to say “YES”. That’s what they are bred to say, Japanese people are conformists!

Anyway, I’m trying to get his habit of laughing to go away. It’s not working, but I keep trying. It’s counter productive in an American working environment to laugh when you’re not pleased, Americans with no culture reference has no clue. If he stops laughing maybe he’ll finally say he’s going to have a problem with our “no” answer and ask for some explanation he could give higher ups… Although I try to give him an explanation before we end the conversation, not all my colleagues do.

I do feel for A because of the hassle he has to go through working in an American work environment. Hopefully before time is up he’ll learn to assert himself and stop the nervous laughter.

Introductions しょうかい (紹介)

Welcome to my blog! This blog is dedicated to the life I lead as a Half-Japanese/Half-American girl.

My mother is Japanese and my father is Caucasian American. The fact I mention my father is white has a meaning on its own. Japanese people tend to be prejudice against many ethnicities, even other Asians. Since Japan is a very ethnically homogeneous they tend to view people in “US VS THEM” mentality. If you’re not full-blooded Japanese born and raised in Japan you are considered an outsider. That includes me. Although, my mother is Japanese born and raised, I’m still an outsider in the Japanese world. This actually is the main problem in my identity crisis. I was raised in Japan until I was about 7 years old. I basically grew up with a lot of Japanese values, but since I started living in America afterwards my Japanese upbringing was mixed with American values. Trust me, it gets confusing at times.

American values tend not to mix with Japanese ones…

Although, I would like to think I have taken the best values out of both cultures, sometimes I’m in a limbo. In this blog, I'll discuss some of these conflicts as well as my journey to reconnect with my Japanese side. Which I'm sad to say is becoming fleeting due to the "US VS THEM" mentality...

Well, what I really want to say is welcome to my blog as I discover what it means to be HAFU or as my sister in Hawaii would say HAPA.